Crisis Sue
by Shinobi Saru Corp
Summary: Odd things have been happening in ShinRa. Two very strange women make their way into ShinRa. Genesis invents Thanksgiving, Sephiroth throws a Halloween party, you meet Chelsy Brook, mother of Mother Sues, oh yes, they all meet the creator. Tora. And some aren't too particularly trilled that Tora sent two Mary Sue characters into ShinRa. Poor me... I go through so much...
1. Chapter 1

**Written by Tora**

A/N:

As you read this horrifying tale of Mary Sue characters inter into ShinRa, I would like to say a couple things. One of my favourite things to do, when writing a Mary Sue fan fiction, is to describe things in a very dramatic way. I absolutely love taking forever to describe one thing about a person. One of my phobias is Mary Sue characters. That brings me to my second point about Mary Sue characters.

One of my Mary Sue characters was actually based off of me. I'm not kidding. Supposedly, my friends dubbed me River Song (my nickname is River Song, because my middle name is River) Fairy Princess, slayer of Mary Sues. To avoid confusing with River Song, my Mary Sue character is named River Saints. River Saints, hopefully, is an easier name to remember. My friends decided that River Song (Or Saints, whichever you prefer) was written by a gay guy, who was trying _not_ to make his character Mary Sueish but ended up Mary Sue-like. So as you read about River Saints, Slayer of Mary Sues, note well how she herself is rather Mary Sueish! And of course, this character was born from the womb of Mother Troll (AKA Facebook).

Okay one last thing. If you've ever read much of my fan fiction work, you'll notice that I tend to enjoy mostly writing with the characters. You'll notice that I have most of my characters being silly and goofing off. They never actually doing work. I'm not that good at writing a serious fan fiction. I've written one serious fan fiction (The Prophecy was Wrong) and found out that I'm struggling with the sequel (Operation Diplomacy, which hasn't been put up yet). The Prophecy was Wrong was my first fan fiction ever and I wrote it a while back (heaven only knows how many typos there are in that story…!). After writing that story, I found that writing humorous fan fiction is a lot easier to deal with.

* * *

**Prologue**

"So let me get this straight… you're _not_ signing up to be a secretary?" Lazard asked, laying the papers down a looking the new comer up and down with a critical eyes.

The new comer shook her head. "I'm signing up to be a SOLIDER," She said, in a quiet voice.

"You. A SOLIDER…?" Lazard said. Lazard glanced down at the papers again. "You never mentioned your name in here…"

The girl glanced up hopefully at Lazard, her blue glassy orbs, which are called eyes, looked hopefully at the Director. "Are you letting me in?"

"I wanted to know your name," Lazard said dryly.

The girl thought about it. "Hmm… let me think what my name should be…"

"_You don't have a name_?!" Lazard barked back, his eyebrows shooting upwards.

The girl shook her head and thought hard. She rested her head on her chin and said seriously, "My name could be…"

Lazard stared at her with awe. Who the heck was she? He glared intently at the pale pink haired girl.

"How about, Sephagenzacloud?" She asked, looking at the Director.

The Director gave her a sideways look. "Sephzhangcloudgen?!"

"Sephagenzacloud."

The Director did a facepalm and said, "That's _dumb_! Who the _heck_ wants to be named such a _stupid_ name?!"

The Sephagenzacloud stood up angrily and shouted, "THAT IS MY NAME! HOW DARE YOU! My full name is Sephagenzacloud Narakashiraharu Strifairhewsodos!"

The Director shivered and wiped off his sweat, "Good Gaia… what did I deserve to get this job?"

Sephagenzacloud ignore Lazard. She fiddled with her pale pink hair and said, "So do I start with First Class and make my way down or do I start with Third Class and make my way up?"

Lazard whammed his forehead against the desk and said, "_G-Gaia_!"

Sephagenzacloud glanced up at Lazard, as if she just now realized that Lazard was trying to kill himself. "You start with First Class?" She offered timidly. "Of course, since I have to start with First Class, I'll be sure to ascend very fast to Third Class. And I shall be amazing! After all, I am both beautiful on the inside and out! And God has gifted me both inside and out with special talents!"

Lazard kept whamming his head on the table. He glanced up at the woman. Gaia, he could almost _see_ the sparkly aura around her, when she said that!

Lazard looked at her blankly. He had never dealt with a person like this…

He was about to say something, but Sephagenzacloud held up a hand to silence Lazard and spewed on. "Of course, my talents are all _original_ and my beautiful hair is most certainly original! My mother was worried that I wouldn't be beautiful, but I have not failed her! The drug enhancers that I take were made from organic stuff, that way I can be more organic than a fresh load of dog poop!"

Was Lazard dreaming it? No, he could definitely see the sparkles and the pink aura around her.

Lazard decided it was best if he tried committing suicide. He went on banging his head on the desk.

"I guess that's your way of letting me into ShinRa…" She quietly grabbed her papers and inched her way to the door.

Right as she left, Lazard hollered after her, "HEY WAIT JUST A MINUTE, LADY! YOU CAN'T GO TRAMPING YOUR WAY INTO SHINRA LIKE THAT!"

Sephagenzacloud ignored Lazard, and marched off, her heart flying in the air, as she, Sephagenzacloud Narakashiraharu Strifairhewsodos, was the first woman to get into ShinRa. "Both beautiful on the inside and out!" Sephagenzacloud echoed dramatically.

It was not long after the first crazy woman came in, when another crazy woman came into Lazard's office.

Lazard glanced up from doing some work. Startled, he said, "What the heck?!"

The woman was about five'four" and had the most scary look about her. She herself, wasn't scary looking, she just had this aura of scariness. Her hair was jet black and shoulder length. It was extremely choppy looking, but of course, being a woman, it was stylized. Her olive skin was a little too pale, as if she hadn't seen the sun in a while. Her eyes were almond shaped and her eyes as dark as the raven in the night.

"What the heck are _you_ doing here?!" Lazard repeated. He _hated_ when people came in on their own free will. He never made these appointments with these women. And where were they coming from?

"I don't know you!" The woman snapped back. She crossed her arms and began to sulk a little. She glanced down at Lazard's work and snorted. She could get a lot more done than he could.

Lazard's mouth hung open and he protested, "I never claimed to know you!"

"But you made it sound like you knew me!" She insisted. She crossed her arms and glared daringly at the Director.

"But…" Lazard mumbled. He rubbed his eyes and said, "Look. What do you want, Lady?"

The woman flicked away some hair and said, "The name is River Saints, Director Lizard-face."

"_Lizard-face_?!" Lazard snarled, grasping at his hair. Who did she think she was?! "I asked you what you wanted. Not what your name was, Saints."

River curled her lip and said rudely, "I'm a First Class SOLDIER, thank you very much."

* * *

**Chapter 1 Trouble**

"_My friend, do you fly away now? To a world that abhors you and I? All that awaits you is a somber morrow… no matter where the winds may blow—_"

"I thought you said you wouldn't read that," Complained Zack Fair, Second Class SOLDIER of ShinRa.

Genesis Rhapsodos, First Class SOLDIER of ShinRa, glared ambiguously at Zack. He hated being interrupted when he was reading his favourite poetry book. "Gaia, Zack, I was getting into the best part!"

Zack made a disgusted sound and mocked, "I've pretty much memorized it!"

Genesis snorted and shut the book and snarled, "_Yeah right_! Recite it, if you _dare_!"

Zack wiped off his hands on his trousers and looked up at the sky. "_May blow_… _my friend… your dessert—_"

"_Desire_!"

"_Your… desire is brighter… than life—_"

"_Of life_!" Corrected Genesis sternly.

"_Of life… the gift of the Goddess… _umm_… even if… the morrow… is… barren of promises… _um_… nothing shall… forestall my… _uh_, retard. _I mean return._ Nothing shall forestall my return_," Zack said proudly.

Genesis gave Zack a suspicious eye and said, "You didn't say it with your heart."

"Whuut?" Zack said, making a weird face. He put down the twenty pound dumbbell and stretched.

Angeal Hewley tossed Zack a water bottle and said, "I wish you could remember your schedule the way you remember Loveless."

Genesis put Loveless down and said excitedly, "Guess what!" He began to bounce up and down a little.

"What?" Zack replied with enthusiasm, likewise beginning to jump up and down.

Genesis shoved Zack aside and said, "Not you, Pups. Angeal, guess what!"

Angeal raised an eyebrow and replied carefully, "What are you thinking about _now_ Genesis?"

Genesis grinned impishly. He glanced over at the Silver Haired First Class SOLDIER. Sephiroth was calmly lifting weights, looking oblivious to the conversation, but Genesis knew he was listening. "I'm having…" He paused for dramatic effects. "A… party."

"Oh Gaia…" Murmured Angeal, he looked guiltily away from Genesis. Genesis's parties always ended… shall we say… a little odd.

Genesis bounced up and down and squealed, "Doesn't it sound flippin' _awesome_?!"

Angeal moaned, "What… kind of party is it?"

Genesis rubbed his chin. "Well… I was thinking about calling it… Thanksgiving to the Goddess. But we can call it Thanksgiving for short," Genesis said dramatically.

"Oh?" Zack said enthusiastically. "Why's it called Thanksgiving to the Goddess?"

Genesis ignored Zack and said, "Hey, Angeal, ask why it's called Thanksgiving to the Goddess."

"Genesis, why's it called Thanksgiving to the Goddess?" Sighed Angeal.

Genesis swung his arms around and said, "We're giving Thanks to the Goddess."

"That made a _lot_ of sense…" Sephiroth commented sarcastically.

Genesis shot Sephiroth a glare. "The Silver General _lives_. He hasn't spoken all day. Shiva, I was getting worried. Oh well. I liked it better when he didn't say anything," Genesis said loudly, looking away from Sephiroth.

Sephiroth didn't look peeved. He simply continued to lift his weights, stopping occasionally to take a drink.

"So what do you do at this party? Will we have dessert at this party?!" Zack asked.

"Angeal," Genesis said loudly over Zack. "Ask what we'll do at my party!"

"Can I come?" Zack begged.

"Angeal, ask what we'll do at my party!"

Angeal glared at Genesis. "What idiotic thing are we doing at your—wait; I never said I was coming, did I?"

Genesis grinned and said, "Well, we're going to roast a bird for lunch."

Angeal looked a little more interested. "What kind?"

Genesis thought hard. "I was thinking about turkey…"

"Not turkey. I hate turkey," Sephiroth commented again.

Genesis looked at Sephiroth. He wanted to argue, but he also wanted Sephiroth to come to his party. "Okay," He said slowly. "We'll roast a chocobo for lunch. And we can have mash potatoes."

"I'm allergic to mash potatoes," Replied Sephiroth, not looking at Genesis.

Genesis gave Sephiroth a 'are you kidding me' look. "You cannot be serious," Genesis said sourly. "_Fine_. We'll have sweet potatoes."

"Rhapsodos, that doesn't stop the fact that I'm allergic to potatoes…" Sephiroth said, putting his weight down and glaring at Genesis.

Genesis belched out swear words and snarled, "SHIVA! Fine we'll have mashed peas!"

Sephiroth gave Genesis a daring look. "You really want me to come," Sephiroth scoffed.

Genesis glared back and snarled, "Well you don't have to _come_, your _majesty_."

Angeal gave Genesis an amused look. "Ew, Gen. Mashed peas? Are you _serious_?"

Genesis gave Angeal a ferocious glare. "Not helping!"

Angeal smirked. "If you're going to try and please your guests, Genesis, you want to do it right."

Genesis was about to reply when Reno burst into the exercising room and panted, "YO! Guys! You aren't going to _believe_ this!

Genesis gave Reno a weary look and said, "Oh, it's you, Turkey."

Reno huffed in indignation and said, "Yo, Gen, I'm a _Turk_, not a turkey."

Genesis waved his hand elegantly and sardonically replied, "So I added two letters to your title, so what?"

Reno turned to Zack and said, "Gaia."

Genesis didn't listen to Reno and went on pungently. "Maybe I should call you Titch instead? After all, you are titch material, _shorty-pants_."

Reno raised an eyebrow and scratched his thick red hair. "What?"

"Just go on," Zack said, prodding Reno in the stomach.

Reno pushed away Zack and said, "Ah yes. There are two new SOLDIERs."

Genesis shrugged and took a drink. "So?"

"The SOLDIERs are_ women_," Reno whispered, as if 'women' was a terrible word.

"You mean they look like Sephiroth?" Genesis asked absentmindedly.

Genesis turned his head to look at Sephiroth. Sephiroth's mouth twitched ever so slightly.

Reno shook his head. "No, they're women!" Reno insisted.

_Women_ SOLDIERs in ShinRa?!

Genesis gave a shifty look at Reno. "And how does the little Turkey know such a thing?" Genesis asked suspiciously.

Reno scratched his nose and said calmly, "I met them."

Zack's eyebrows boinged upwards and he said, "You _met_ them?"

"What were they like?" Genesis demanded.

Reno raised an eyebrow at Genesis. No doubts Genesis would dart away and try flirting with them. "They were scary," Was all Reno said.

"How could a woman SOLDIER be scarier than a guy?" Zack asked.

Reno gave Zack a weird look. "Yo, Zack, don't you know the diff between a guy SOLDIER and a woman SOLDIER?"

"Ones a guy and the other a girl?" Zack offered.

Reno did a facepalm. Then he gave Zack a scared face. "One of them is a _female SOLDIER_! How the heck could that _not_ be terrifying?!"

Genesis rubbed his chin and said absentmindedly, "What are our new SOLDIERs names?"

Reno scrunched up his face. "Um, well… one of them was like… River Tim and the other… oh Gaia, I can't remember. Was it Sephfurgingercloud? Or Sephfearzapcloud?"

Genesis's eyes went wide. "Repeat the last one?"

Reno threw up his hands and said in annoyance, "Yo, Gen, you can't expect me to remember her name!"

"Wanna bet?" Genesis said, popping his knuckles.

Reno quickly said, "Her name is Sephagenzacloud! Sephagenzacloud!"

Genesis's eyes went even wider, as he repeated slowly, "Sephagenzacloud… What the flipping heck is that supposed to mean?!"

Reno shrugged and said, "I don't know! That's what she told me. And they claim to be in First Class SOLDIERs. Did you know that?"

"Wait, how can they be Firsts if they _just_ came?" Genesis asked curiously.

Reno bit his lip and said, "I dunno."

Genesis elegantly brushed back his hair and made a 'pfftt' noise. Genesis gave his attention to Angeal and said smartly, "Consider the party well, Angeal. And if you _must_, you can bring along your little puppy to keep you company." Genesis then gave a sideways lance at Sephiroth to see if he was listening. "You can come too, Sephiroth."

Sephiroth didn't look at Genesis. "I'll consider it…" He mumbled.

Genesis did a little fist pump.

This party _wasn't_ going to backfire.

* * *

"He walks around his desk and picks up his pen that dropped to the floor. The pen was his favourite and had been with him ever since he entered into ShinRa…" Genesis mumbled dramatically. He had gotten into a bad habit of talking in third person when T.L.A. (see Author's Note in Sephiroth's Quest for New hair to learn more about The Loveless Attack) hit him. "I mean, ever since he became First Class."

Genesis bent down to pick up his crimson pen. It was a special fountain pen that had his name on it. When he first got the pen (a gift from ShinRa along with his new office), the people who made it accidentally engraved Genesis's name as, _Genesis Rapsodos_. Of course, Genesis had kittens and insisted that they make a new pen with _Genesis R_h_apsodos_ engraved on it with gold ink instead of silver.

"He straightened up as heard footsteps," Genesis said, looking at the door. Before he could stop making a fool of himself, the door burst open and he finished, "And in came a woman into his office. Without knocking on his door…"

This woman blinked at Genesis and said blankly, "Are you _talking_ in _third person_?"

Genesis turned red and coughed a little. "Of course not!" he briskly trotted back to his desk and plopped down. Leaning back in his wheely chair, he casually rested his feet on his desk.

The woman glared suspiciously at the papers and said, "Ahem, my name is Sephagenzacloud Strifairhewsodos."

Genesis's mouth dropped open and his feet fell to the floor. "What?" He said, his facing wrinkling up.

Sephagenzacloud pulled up a chair and said, "Call me Strifairhewsodos, please. I'm Sephagenzacloud Strifairhewsodos First Class SOLDIER of ShinRa."

Genesis gave Sephagenzacloud a bewildered look. "You're a First Class?"

Sephagenzacloud nodded and ran her fingers through her pale pink hair. "I'm a favourite amongst the other First Class," She pointed out. "I am after all… the most beautiful woman on earth!"

Genesis blinked. He couldn't believe his eyes. There was this… pinkish haze around Sephagenzacloud. Yikes, he was seeing stars!

"I am popular, not only with the men, but with the women around Midgar! They ask me for beauty tips and wonder how my skin shines so! I told them… I was born… _French_!"

"What's French?" Genesis asked blankly.

"French is the most delicate beauty on earth! It's soooo rare, but if you're born French… it means… you are favoured… I told the ladies not to be envious of my sheer beauty, but they're sooo obsessed! How perfect the lips are! They say! They asked me how I managed to get such wonderful lip! Well, beloved, says I… I use a special organic tube! I use raspberry scented lipstick! It gives me a stained Popsicle effect…" Sephagenzacloud said dramatically. She clasped her hands together and bowed her head. "Seraph, they call me…"

Genesis rested his head on his palm and sneered quietly to himself, "You want to look like you have Popsicle lips? What a freak. You're such a woman."

"What was that?" Sephagenzacloud asked curiously.

"I said you're a woman," Genesis blandly.

Sephagenzacloud's eyebrows boinged upwards and she stood up, knocking the chair down. "HOW DARE YOU! YOU ARE SO SEXIST!"

Genesis raised his hands up in defense and said, "Whoa, lady, I just said you were a lady! What's so sexist about that?!"

Sephagenzacloud's Mako blue eyes glared daggers into Genesis's head. "What is your problem?!"

Genesis sighed and crossed his arms. "Who's bright idea was it to let in women into ShinRa?!"

Sephagenzacloud opened her mouth indignantly and then stormed out of the room, her pink hair trailing after her.

Genesis snorted. "Pfffttt, what a tiptoe Nancy…"

Genesis made sure she was gone before he started talking to himself again. "The Hero pulled out a long list of things to do. He studied the list. It was a list of things he needed to get at the market. He read it out loud. One whole chocobo… he paused reading it. I had better make it one chocobo breast…" Genesis quickly scratched out the one whole chocobo and wrote next to it, _chocobo breast_.

Genesis continued to talk in third person as he wrote down ideas and ingredients. Of course, he would buy most of the food, since he hated cooking.

"He was slowly getting bored of looking over his list, but he forced himself to push on…" Genesis said lazily.

"What the heck," Said a soft voice. "Are you seriously talking to yourself?"

Genesis looked up to see Sephiroth looking down at him. His eyebrow twitched upwards.

Genesis bumbled out quickly, "SEPHIROTH! SHIVA, YOU STARTLED ME!"

Sephiroth stepped back from the blast of flamboyant air and said in disgust, "Please don't pee in your pants…"

"I beg your pardon?!" Genesis spat indignantly.

Sephiroth gave Genesis a daring look. "Must I repeat it?"

Genesis coughed and pushed away the papers. "Ahem, Sephiroth," he stated in a businesslike manner. "How can I help you?"

"Where have you been the last couple days?" Snarled Sephiroth.

Genesis blinked. "Um… in Loveless?" Offered Genesis.

"Wrong."

"What is the meaning of this?" Genesis asked simply. He brushed back some bangs and swatted a fly that was buzzing around his face.

Sephiroth replied calmly, "Your _attention_ is taken away, First Class SOLDIER…"

Genesis's radar ears picked up the word 'attention'. "My attention is gone…?" Genesis repeated slowly. He raised a cautious eyebrow and glared intently at Sephiroth.

Sephiroth impatiently replied, "Your glory of being First Class SOLDIER is gone."

"And who took it?" Genesis asked reproachfully. The creases in his face getting deeper.

"Two other First Class SOLDIERs. Saints and Strifairhewsodos," Sephiroth said simply.

Genesis blew up and threw his beer can to the floor. "HOW DARE THEY TAKE _MY_ ATTENTION?!" He squealed with self-righteous anger.

Sephiroth leaned against the wall and muttered, "I was wondering why you were being so quiet."

Genesis wasn't listening to Sephiroth. "He stood up from his seat," Genesis growled, gritting his teeth. "Banging his fist on the table he turned around to look out of the window. He could see the birds flying around and he could see Midgar from below, but the Hero's wrath was kindled and he barely noticed the people or the good looking women strolling around Midgar…"

"And Sephiroth goes out of the room to find a psychiatrist…" Sephiroth said sarcastically.

Sephiroth left Genesis to talk to himself.

"He plopped back down," Genesis said wearily. "And look around the room. The plants in the corner were dying, but he didn't feel like helping them right know. He thought of the woman who marched into his room earlier today. Then his mind raced to the days when he was a Third Class. He was having flash backs of being a Second. And now he was a First. He had glory, respect, and honor! He was a _hero_! Wait, I mean, he _is a hero_!"

Genesis stood up solemnly.

"This is war, Strifairhewsodos and Saints… the Hero has declared war… and the Goddess will not invite _you_ scumbags to her party…"


	2. Chapter 2

**Written by Tora**

* * *

**Chapter 2 Where did they come from?**

"You, sir, were sneaking around!" River Saints said her hands on her hips.

Genesis protested loudly, "I was not sneaking around! How dare you accuse me of sneaking around!"

River poked Genesis in the stomach and pointed to the pot of plant right out her door. "You were hiding behind Herman."

"Hername?"

"That's the name of this plant. _Her-man_. Not so hard to say, is it?" River said, brushing her glossy hair away from her forehead.

Genesis crossed his arms and replied smartly back, "I never claimed it was a hard name to say, now did I?"

River's lip twitched and she snapped angrily, "You, sir, were sneaking around! Why?"

Genesis sighed. Back at the beginning. Genesis snarled back, "Where are you from anyway?"

River placed a hand over her sword. Her sword's hilt was silver with big sparkly jewels imbedded into it. "That is none of your business, weeny!"

Genesis looked critically at River and said absentmindedly, "I don't think I've ever seen you before in Midgar…"

River jumped a little and tightened her grip on her sword. "Oh ho!" She said. "So you go around stalking every woman in Midgar?! Pervert!"

Genesis hastily changed the subject, "So you admit you're from Midgar?"

"I don't admit to anything. However, you sure are doing a good job of _not_ admitting that you're a slimy pervert!" River said calmly. She watched Genesis's reaction with enthusiasm.

"How dare you call me a pervert!" Genesis sputtered angrily.

River threw her head back and crowed with laughter. She smartly turned around and walked off, leaving Genesis alone with Herman.

Genesis began to sulk a little. Obviously stalking didn't work. It was time for plan B.

Flirting your way in. At least he was good at that.

* * *

"Sephagenzacloud!" Genesis hollered down the hall. "Wait up!"

Sephagenzacloud turned around to see Genesis catch up to her.

"You're on to first names with me?" Sephagenzacloud asked suspiciously. She readjusted her gauntlet in case she needed to sock Genesis.

Genesis waved his hand elegantly and replied, "I didn't mean to aggravate you a couple days ago."

Sephagenzacloud crossed her arms. "Where's the catch?"

"Catch?" Genesis asked, pretending to be dumb. He cocked his head to the side and gave Sephagenzacloud an angelic look.

Sephagenzacloud crossed her arms and took a step away from Genesis. "What is your problem?"

Genesis scratched his thick auburn hair and said, "Problem? How coy, madam!"

Sephagenzacloud didn't miss a beat. She smashed her fist into Genesis face. "What a disgusting _bug_!"

Genesis clutched his nose and howled. "What _is your _problem?!"

Sephagenzacloud smirked at Genesis and said, "You are a _very _interesting person, Mr.—what's your last name? Rhepsodos?"

"_Rupsudus_!" Genesis snapped, still clutching his nose.

"Rapunzel?"

"RHUPSUDOS!"

"Huh," Sephagenzacloud said, truly puzzled. "Say what?"

Genesis stomped his foot in anger. He shot Sephagenzacloud a hateful look.

"Mr. Rapunzel, do you know where General Sephiroth's office is?" Sephagenzacloud asked, ignoring Genesis's attempts at saying Rhapsodos.

Genesis's face went dark at the thought of Sephiroth. "Sephiroth's office is second room to the right."

Sephagenzacloud blinked and said, "Ooh. Okay, thanks, Mr. Rapunzel. By the way, what's General Sephiroth's last name? I'd like to address him like that if possible."

A wicked grin slithered across Genesis's face. "You don't know, Sephagenzacloud?"

Sephagenzacloud shook her head.

"His name is…" Genesis paused for dramatic effects. "Sephiroth Hojo…Sephiroth has sooo much respect for Hojo; he didn't think he was good enough to have his father's last name. But he will be _soooooo_ honored if you call him Hojo!"

_Payback time_, Genesis thought.

"Hojo…" Sephagenzacloud said absentmindedly. "I shall call him General Hojo."

Genesis nodded and said, "Good luck!"

"Good luck?" Sephagenzacloud repeated.

Genesis blinked and looked at Sephagenzacloud's aura. It was pink and sparkly.

"I don't need luck! I am talking General Sephiroth Hojo! I stun all the men around me! I'm not scared! Furthermore, this Sephiroth Hojo, I've heard about, happens to be a hero! With sexy hair! I admire his quicksilver-like hair! So beautiful and pure! I _must_ get his shampoo brand! That way, I too can have sexy hair—wait, I already have sexy hair. I mean that way I can have sexier hair!" Sephagenzacloud went on.

Genesis gave Sephagenzacloud a little push and said, "Off you go to your meeting with Sephiroth!"

Then Genesis darted off, snickering like a little boy who told a crude joke.

Sephagenzacloud watched Genesis trot off. She shook her head and tried to ignore what Genesis was planning.

Instead, she turned sharply and walked off to General Hojo's office.

Sephagenzacloud knocked timidly on General Hojo's office.

A calm voice replied, "Come in."

The door opened and Sephagenzacloud walked in.

General Hojo's office was extremely neat and tidy. Everything was perfect. The plants were exactly a two feet away from the desk on either side, there were two windows, and a chairs on either side of the desk.

General Sephiroth Hojo was sitting at the desk, looking intently at the screen. He didn't notice who came in until Sephagenzacloud cleared her throat.

Sephiroth looked up and then back at his computer, as if he had just see a fly and decided to ignore it.

Sephagenzacloud took the chair opposite of Sephiroth and sat in silence.

Sephiroth didn't look up. _Tick tick tick tick tack tack tack_ where the only sounds in the room. Sephiroth's fingers typed rapidly on the keyboard.

Sephagenzacloud said quietly. "I've come for the papers, General Hojo."

_Tick tick tttiiclackscrrr_—"What. Did. You. Just. _Call_. Me?" Sephiroth said dangerously. He took his hands off the keyboard and laced his fingers together.

Sephagenzacloud sucked in her breath. Whoa…! What sexy hair he had! "I know," She started slowly. "You love your father. I just want you to know that I think you are worthy of the name Hojo…"

Sephiroth banged his fist on the desk. Sephagenzacloud jumped in her seat.

"Don't call me Hojo," He said calmly. "Or I'll _kill_ you. And stop sparkling…"

Sephagenzacloud didn't dare to breath.

Sephiroth's intent gaze left Sephagenzacloud, and he resumed typing, and she resumed breathing.

"The papers are not yet fully finished or printed," Sephiroth said finally. "You also neglected to answer some of the questions."

Sephagenzacloud said carefully, "What questions did I not answer, General Sephiroth sir?"

Sephiroth replied briskly, "Such as where are you from and why you chose to join ShinRa."

Sephagenzacloud bit her lip. "I don't know where I'm from…"

Sephiroth glanced upwards, still ticking and tacking. "Pfft," He mused quietly.

"I really don't know where I'm from. People keep asking me where I'm from. Can you believe it? Two days at ShinRa and I've got a million followers on some fan page!" Sephagenzacloud said, placing her head in her hands and looking into space. She sighed. She wished Sephiroth would follower her fan page.

Sephiroth's face twitched. He hoped that Sephagenzacloud's sparkles wouldn't get on his desk.

"General Hojo—"

Sephagenzacloud was interrupted by Sephiroth slamming his letter opener, point down, onto the desk. The knife bent sideways as Sephiroth dug the blade into the desk. "Get out," Sephiroth growled menacingly.

"But—"

Sephiroth yanked the bent letter opener out of the desk and pointed it at Sephagenzacloud. "I said get out…"

"But—"

Sephiroth threw the letter opener at Sephagenzacloud's face. If it hadn't been bent, the point would have imbedded itself into her forehead. But because it was bent, the opener bonked on her head and clattered to the floor.

"Ow!" Sephagenzacloud snapped, rubbing her head.

Sephiroth stood up to his full height and barked, "I said get out, or are you too dumb to understand those words, you prat?"

Sephagenzacloud stood up and stormed out of the room. Before she left, she shot Sephiroth an icy glare.

A growl rose from Sephiroth's throat as he plopped back down and went back to work.

Before Sephiroth got too far, his door knocked again.

Sephiroth's eyes rolled upward to the door, as he snapped, "Come in!"

River Saints tromped her way into Sephiroth's office and plopped rudely down into the chair across from him.

Sephiroth glared at River.

River took no notice at Sephiroth's glare and said, "Your room has earned five out of five, SOLDIER, good work."

Sephiroth pressed his lips together and laced his fingers together.

"I have gone around the ShinRa to look at the offices. I can't decide how I want to decorate my office. Have you been in Rhapsodos's office? Very stylish and it smells like fuchsia. Your room is very organized and very clean. Maybe my office should be a cross… oh yes, I need the papers that Sephagenzacloud was supposed to get," River said, pointing at some papers.

Sephiroth looked down at the papers. He picked them up and studied them. He really did have Sephagenzaclcoud's papers. He did a little white lie, but she didn't have to know.

_Hmmm_, Sephiroth thought. He actually hadn't looked at the papers. Lazard was the one who told him that she forgot to answer some of the questions. Something caught his eyes. According to _this_ biography about Sephagenzacloud, she wasn't really a real person.

Supposedly she was a—"Ahem, I need those papers…" River demanded.

Sephiroth ignored her.

According to these papers, Sephagenzacloud was a… Mary Sue character.

The paper even told where you could find the actual creator of this Mary Sue character.

"Where did these files come from?" Sephiroth questioned.

River snatched the papers from Sephiroth and glared intently at the papers in her hand. "Hmmm…"

Sephiroth glared at River, who was oblivious of the glare. Sephiroth hated when people snatched things from his hands!

"Interesting… these paper tell where the _writer_ of Sephagenzacloud lives… wait a moment! This isn't Sephagenzacloud's biography! This is the _writer's_ biography!"

Sephiroth raised an eyebrow.

Writer's biography? Mary Sue? What the heck? Sephiroth quickly turned to his computer for help.

_What is a Mary Sue_, Sephiroth typed into the computer.

Several hundred links popped up.

Choosing carefully, Sephiroth clicked on one link.

_What is a Mary Sue? What is a Mary Sue Character? _

_By the Bogus-Daily_

_Today we interviewed Tora, a writer of several fan fictions on and a writer of several other original stories, to which she is still currently working on. Tora (we cover her real name up for privacy) explains her theory of a Mary Sue character. _

_"__Before I knew what Fan Fiction was," Says Writer Tora. "I started reading these mindless short stories on the internet. Well to be more precise, I didn't even know there was such a thing called fan fiction or places you could read fan fiction. As I read them, mostly on Percy Jackson stuff, I realized that they all had something in common. They were all very descriptive about how the heroine looked, it seemed as if the hero was a heroine all the time, the person had a sad a dramatic background, they had some super power that was ridiculously stupid sounding… oh yes, the heroine was stunningly gorgeous with flawless looks. Oh, and she had this like big important role in the story. One of the most popular stories that I came across several times was that supposedly, there was another Big Three. Therefore, the Prophecy of Seven was wrong… and then sometimes the heroine would end up dating Percy. That's creepy, cuz they _**really**_are half-cousins. I mean—I don't have a beef if she were to go with some other god's child, but a Big Three's child dating a Big Three's child?! Dude, you don't see Thalia dating Nico…! Wait, that was a bad analogy."_

_Tora investigated these strange stories. Apparently, her friend also had read these sappy-all-alike stories on the internet too. Tora went talking about these stories, mainly to Ryuu, who shares her joy of writing fan fiction. Ryuu told Tora what a fan fiction was. Tora was so shocked that anyone could write fan fiction! She thought it was illegal (it proves to her what a stupid enclosed kiddo she is). Then… Ryuu told her what a Mary Sue was…_

_"__It was like as if I had been kissed by a Dementor," Tora recalls, while shivering. "When I read the Mary Sue stories, I _was_ being kissed by a Dementor. My life was slowly going to waste, reading these pointless Sue stories. Then Ryuu told me about Mary Sue… I was cold… and scared of Mary Sue stories… and… I felt no life… no need to push on with life…"_

_Does Tora die? No, smart Tora found a way to conquer her fear of Mary Sue! You too can conquer the fear of Mary Sue! (See at the bottom of the page!)_

_Tora found out that she can make fun of her fear! Tora wrote several Mary Sue stories, inserting herself into the story!_

_"__A Mary Sue is a scary thing," Tora describes. "A Mary Sue character is everything a girl wants to be. Pretty, her parents are dead (meaning she can go around flirting with boys without her parents knowing), and falls in love with the character she loves. Most Mary Sue writers like the bad boys. Loki, Draco Malfoy, Skywalker—"_

_"__Wait—" Interrupts Zitual Booger, the interviewer. "Earlier you said that you liked Loki…"_

_"__Yeah, but," Tora hesitates. "Loki… Loki is Loki. Everyone should like Loki. Not for his looks (though, I admit, he's rather attractive), but for his interesting personality. And Mr. Hiddleston is an amazing actor…" _

_Tora then proceeded to plunge into the character Loki for about twenty minutes. _

Sephiroth sighed with irritation. He scrolled quickly to the bottom of the page to see how to conquer the fear of Mary Sue.

_With these simple steps, you too can be like Tora and conquer your fear of Mary Sue! Also it's a bonus! We asked Tora to write how to conquer Mary Sue fear!_

_How to Conquer Mariaphobia (Latin for: fear of Mary, which means fear of Mary Sue.)_

_By Tora _

_Okay, listen up, folks. _

_Firstly, you need to know your opponent and know your enemies weakness. _

_Say to yourself, Mary Sue writers are more scared of you, than you are of them. Say it over and over and over until you can convince yourself it's true. Now it doesn't necessarily mean it's true, but the point of this exorcise is to trick your brain._

_What's your enemy's weakness? Reality and realism. Reality and realism are two of the most dangerous weapons. If you're a smelly 20 year old bachelor, drinking Pepsi, and playing Halo in mom and dad's basement, you may need a dose of reality and realism. BUT if you're a writer, whose dreams sore around on paper, reality and realism may be bad for you. Whoa, wait, that doesn't mean 'being a writer' is an excuse to go back to playing Lightning Returns and eating chips. (We'll ignore the fact that I tend to play Zelda and I do claim to be a writer!) Umm… wait, are reality and realism the same thing? Just spell differently? Oh poop, they are pretty much the same thing. I'm going to sulk and play Zelda… _

_The next step is to search your fan fiction carefully. If you don't want to be kissed by a Dementor, stay away from some fan fictions. I am not kidding. You can spend hours and hours or days going through fan fictions to find a decent fan fiction. Hold on… am I actually giving you tips or am I ranting? _

_Next step! What I did when I got my first kiss by a Dementor, was I chilled out in the sun. And plotted my sweet revenge against the Mary Sue writers. Hanging out in the sun is very important. Not only is it nice, it will help you regain your mind after reading Mary Sue stuff. Sorry, wanna-be-vampires, but really, the sun is the antidote. Along with chocolate. Preferably white chocolate. Wait, never mind, when you get kissed by a Dementor—never mind. Back to what I was saying. My favourite thing to do is to blame the Mary Sue characters in my story for everything. I'll take my anger out on the Mary Sue characters. In a way, getting angry at them, covers up how scared I am of them._

_Umm… okay… next… wait, I think I need to think about it for a second…_

Sephiroth shoved the laptop away in disgust. This idiot Tora wasn't a very good writer. She sent too much time criticizing and too much time being silly. Who would interview such an idiot?! Had Sephiroth really just wasted several minutes reading that?

"The Bogus-Daily had nothing to say about Mary Sue," Sephiroth thought aloud.

River blinked. "Bogus-Daily? I would think not. Who reads the Bogus-Daily? They do nothing but focus on the person they're interviewing."

Sephiroth realized that he was still talking to River. He glared at her and said, "Get out."

Just then, Genesis Rhapsodos sauntered into the room. "Yo, Sephiroth, got a min?"

"No, I don't got a 'min'," Sephiroth snapped.

Genesis glared at River and said, "Oh. It's you. Anyway, Sephiroth, this is important…"

Sephiroth glanced at River. "Rhapsodos needs to talk. Now please leave, River."

River opened her mouth and then closed it. She took up the papers and stood up. "I'll look deeper into this Mary Sue problem, General."

Sephiroth didn't reply.

Once River left, Genesis plopped down into the chair and leaned backwards. "So… I went into the main lobby, and everyone's attention was at Miss Super Star…" Genesis said, his lip curling.

Sephiroth began to type on the computer. "Genesis…" Sephiroth said. "Have you ever heard of a Mary Sue?"

Genesis raised an eyebrow and replied suspiciously. "Yeah, why?"

Sephiroth turned his gaze to Genesis. "What _is _a Mary Sue?" He had gotten an idea what a Mary Sue was, he just wanted to hear other people's opinions. Not to mention he didn't really trust the Bogus-Daily.

Genesis blinked. "It's a person who writes a character who's perfect. Basically they insert themselves into a story and make the fall in love with the character the actual person has a crush on. Why?"

Sephiroth hummed and replied, "Why would anyone want to write a Mary Sue?"

"Dunno. If the person falls in love so much with the character in the book that they're dying to insert themselves?" Genesis offered.

"Wouldn't they mess up the storyline?" Sephiroth prodded.

Genesis shrugged and fell backwards onto the floor. Genesis sat the chair upright and sat in the chair like a normal human, instead of an arrogant First Class.

"I guess it would change the storyline. But it's just going online. Who cares?"

"Are all fan fictions Mary Sue?" Sephiroth continued.

Genesis raised an eyebrow. What was with all these questions? What Sephiroth planning to write a Mary Sue fan fiction or something?

"No," Genesis said slowly. "Not all fan fictions are Mary Sue. Fan fiction could just be a hilarious one shot, or a serious storyline. I, for one, like to write serious storylines!" Genesis placing a hand over his heart.

Sephiroth's eyebrows boinged upwards. "You write fan fiction…"

Genesis replied nastily, "You don't have to be a girl to write fan fiction!"

Sephiroth smiled a cold smile. "Oh yeah, you have a account… your accounts name is… TheHero, am I right?"

Genesis blushed crimson and banged his fist on the desk, "That, sir, is none of your beeswax!"

Sephiroth's smile grew bigger. "And if I recall, your character's name was Ginger… and he looked like you… and he was the hero… and he had a sad background… and—"

"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!" Genesis bellowed angrily.

Sephiroth's amused face left. "So what did you come here for? I forgot."

Genesis thought about it for a second. "Oh yes," He said, snapping his fingers together. "Miss Super Star is getting all my glory. I want it back. Will you help me regain it?"

Sephiroth raised an eyebrow. "No."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't give a crap."

"But I'll help you regain _your_ attention," Genesis coaxed.

Sephiroth's lip twitched. Genesis gave Sephiroth a wicked grin. He knew Sephiroth wouldn't join him outright, because his pride wouldn't allow Sephiroth to grovel for attention, but he knew if he could tempt Sephiroth in the right way, he could pretty much get Sephiroth to do anything. Well—almost anything.

Genesis stood up completely satisfied.

He walked to the door and turned around elegantly. "By the way, Sephiroth," Genesis said.

Sephiroth glanced up. "Hm?"

Genesis ran his fingers through his hair. "That, um, third person talk stuff, you didn't hear it. You never knew it happened," Genesis said lowering his voice.

Sephiroth blinked. Genesis Rhapsodos… was making a total fool of himself. Sephiroth made a pfftt noise. He smirked and said under his breath, "What an idiot."

"It. NEVER. EVER. HAPPENED. Okay?" Genesis said, simply.

Sephiroth stared at Genesis with amused eyes.

"_NEVER. EVER. HAPPENED._ Like: NEVER," Genesis droned on seriously. His eye brow twitched as he stared back at Sephiroth. "_EVER_!" He added.

A song came to Genesis's mind as he thought about those words 'never ever'. Genesis bobbed his head a little and began to mutter words under his breath.

Sephiroth raised an eyebrow. Was this little upstart having some kind of seizure?

Genesis bobbed hid head a little harder. Finally he broke out into a loud warble, "WE ARE _NEVER EVER EVER _GETTING BACK TOGETHER!"

Sephiroth clapped his hands over his ears. Was that terrible shriek coming from _Genesis_?!

Genesis swiveled hips around like a drunken cactuar. He bobbed his head furiously and sang, "_YEAH_! We are never ever ever getting back together!"

Sephiroth snarled out, "GET YOUR FAT BOTTOM OUT, RHAPSODOS!" Sephiroth hurled scissors at Genesis's face.

"Back together! Like, everrr—eek!" Genesis squealed when a stapler sailed into the air, aimed at his face.

Genesis finally got the message and shrieked as he made his way to the exit, "The Hero quickly runs away from the most terrifying foe! He dashes heroically to make his exit! Eek! A potted plat sails in the air and—aaackk! That was a near miss for the Hero! He quickly brushed off the dirt that was on his—OKAY OKAY, I'M LEAVING!"

Genesis made a dash for the door and slammed the door shut. Genesis let out a puff of air.

"The Hero… _lives_!" Genesis wept with tears of joy.


End file.
